It must take “cajones grandes” to say this and because I have them; I can say it – disappoint your parents! Now before the parents sharpen their pitchforks and the children prepare the stake; hear me out. I am a firm believer that we should disappoint our parents; if it means staying true to who we are! This doesn’t mean I don’t love my parents; or appreciate all they have done for me, it doesn’t mean I don’t respect my parents either. What it means is; I embrace the truth that I am a sovereign being who has a final say over how I live my life. I live on my own terms and I will not live to please people; even my parents!!
The decisions I make about my life will be for my own good and in my best interest. I alone can walk around in my shoes. The advice given to me is what is best for the advice giver and based on their lived experience. They may even mean well; but your experience is just that; and while there is merit to that experience and a valuable lesson to learn. There is no guarantee my experience will be like yours. So I may hear you; but the know that the final choice is up to me. If you feel offended by how I live my life; go sit with yourself and uncover why you are so bothered.
I am going to live the way I want to live. I am going to live in my own spontaneity and authenticity. I am not here to fulfill anybody’s expectations. – Osho
There are some parents who are like a ball and chain around the necks and feet of their children. Their expectations are laced with failures from their own lives and their children must live out these expectations for fear of disappointing their parents. To that I say DISAPPOINT YOUR PARENTS your life is not their life and the approval you so desperately seek from your parents may never be given to you! So why would you sacrifice your own happiness on the alter of their expectations? Don’t do it; it’s not worth it.
My hope is that at the end of your life; if you are so privileged to have the time to reflect; you will be filled with satisfaction and content. For you would have lived a life that makes for an interesting story to share. You would have seen and done it all; whatever all looks like to you!
In one of my favourite books; The Prophet; Khalil Gibran talks about children and the kind of relationship parents should strive to have. He reminds us that children don’t belong to their parents. “They are the son’s and daughter’s of life’s longing for itself. Though they may come through you and are with you; they don’t belong to you. Don’t give them your thoughts for they have their own.” I love this poem and I am so glad I heard about this powerful book. I believe this with my entire being and I remind myself often that nobody owns us; especially our parents. When I become a parent I don’t own my children.
To raise a child, who is comfortable enough to leave you, means you’ve done your job. They are not ours to keep, but to teach how to soar on their own. Anonymous
I encourage each and everyone of you to honestly sit with yourselves; as parents and as children and examine the relationship you have. Parents are you a shackle around the feet of your children? Children do you live to please your parents; striving daily to meet their expectations and seek their approval in everything you do? Now is the time to stop it; STOP IT! Let go! Go live your lives so when it ends you can say – “I did it my way”!!
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The Perspective Matters 